Wednesday, December 2, 2020

The Knowledge of London (12/2/2020). -M.Weisgerber (6000 words)

“Where to, Grosvenor?” the cabbie asked, grinning at him, revealing a set of crooked teeth as the window lowered. 

It had been a hell of a day, and for a moment Chaz was considering adding to the misery with an ugly remark, alarmed as he was at the speed at which the cab had darn near taken the edge of his toes off in the approach.  His head swam for a moment as he took the city in, doing his best to lose it all in the taller wanderings in this Western of Ends, hard to see between the sheets & falling torrents, lighter in his hand proving useless against the floods and wind. 

Instead he merely dove into the back, knocking his shoes against the door frame as if in a ward of good luck. 

“Just drive, my good man,” he said, leaning back in his seat, doing his best to breathe through the thickness of the air.  The dark shell of the plastic beetle glistened, the interior hotter than he would have liked for a ride to…where exactly?  The City could be quite suffocating when it wanted to, an old maw opening wide for any straggling visitors.  No, now he just needed a good club, a good dive perhaps – somewhere to hole oneself up for a bit.  He fingered the flask in his jacket pocket for a moment before letting it slide, checking his mobile.

 Nothing as of yet, which was good.  He still had time. 

“Rough day?”  added the driver, as if seeming to read his mind.  For a moment, Chaz wondered if he should go back to the hotel, or else try to preemptively call Emily.  Her voice would do him some good, but no, better to stick to the plan.

There was still time. 

“You could say that.”  Chaz marveled at his luck that he had a true Englishman, and not some kid with headphones in.  “Feels good to ride.”  He wondered that maybe the park, or the river would be a better bet to go; a place to clear one’s head perhaps?

“Everyone needs to mosey from time to time I should say,”  tried the driver, easing into traffic with considerable skill.  From the looks of it, they were heading into the rainy east. 

“Yea, even The Goodman did, I bet.  Specially in downpours like this.”

“Ha, more likely to encounter Mr. Splitfoot on these roads, dear sir!”  On this Chaz had to chuckle along with him.  Unlike his own town, darn near every face he saw over forty here could have been mistaken for Pacino himself, impeccably bespoke folks making announcements preemptively.  He leaned back, conscious now that the driver was still prattling on; could he take a nip on the next turn? 

“They found a vampire up in Highgate once.  A druid circle out in Bacey Park even.  But its all just rubbish, as I say.  The real stuff hides a bit more, ya know?” 

“Heh, that’s true!  Too many idiots with a pint I guess.”  As if to prove their point, they passed a garish bar (pub, he had to remind himself) where several stragglers wandered round its edges with pitchforks and capes twirling.  Most were ramming each other in drunken reverie on some new technology or another, or howling like wolves, with the others merely standing round filming. 

Overall, it looked like a wickedly good time. 

“Where is a good party at, ya figure, then?”  he tried, thinking he needed something harder.  Two more hours, then a call to Em.  Maybe.    

“If your asking about some of the powdered white, you can forget about that young sir; that’s not for my tastes.  I’m more a churchman meself”

“Sure sure.  But anything good worth seeing I meant?  Sights, sounds?”

“Well, that’s for me to take ya too, if you know where yous want’s to go.”

“Honestly, maybe just drop off down somewhere along the quai?  Anything good down that way?”  He sat scratching the side of his temple.    

“I can sir, but that seems a mighty waste of ‘the Knowledge’ if I may says; besides no quais here, especially in these trying times.”

“I’ve got some smarts about me.”  Chaz tried, glancing for a nameplate.  Gus it stated, accompanied by some typical sounding English last name. 

British, he corrected himself. 

“No, no sir: I think you misunderstand me.  I am talking about the Knowledge.”  The fellow paused, as if Chaz had wanted to follow along with him – the snaggletooth gleamed as they rounded the next corner.  “The Knowledge of London?  Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the Knowledge sir?” 

“Is it some type of cake, or biscuit then?”  Chaz tried after a moment, doing his best to see what the latest blip from the mobile was.  The cabbie jergged his breaks in sharp reply, making his head swoon further, almost seeming to snap their necks in reply.  For a moment, the fellow really did turn full back in his seat to look at him, black frame sliding from side to side, head merely shaking. 

“Your telling me you hailed one of London’s famous black cabs, without any place, thought, destination, or utter perspective in mind?  Never heard of the Knowledge, even?”  On this Chaz felt bemused, uncertain what to say.  He merely shrugged his shoulders, as if to better explain.

“Does it really matter?” 

On this, the man (Gus, he had to remind himself), laughed throatily, deeply, straitening himself further in his seat.  Crusted diamonds seemed to gather in the corners of his eyes. 

“Alright then mister, try this then.  If you look to your left sir, in another half block, look up above the doors.  On the second one from the left, the third door from the curb will be a pub with a daemon effigy on it.”  Chaz sat befuddled for a moment, wondering what the man was saying.  He glanced over anyways, if only to kill the time. 

Sure enough though, a red-eyed creature from the otherverse drifted by in marked time.  Was it a bat, or some other rat-like creature?  He couldn’t be sure.  After a moment, he said what he really felt. 

“That’s pretty neat…but it’s a trick, right?  Just something you do to goose the locals?”

“No sir!  No riddles, nor games here.  Just what practice, and the Knowledge gets you round these parts.”  Chaz found himself a bit more curious for a change, leaning over his coat a bit. 

“I’m sure anyone would pick up the gist of a layout of a city, circling round it enough times though, right?  I mean, London is only so big..”  He was beginning to have an idea of where this was going yet decided to amuse the cabbie a bit further.  Before them the meter ticked on, relentless.

“Only so big; oy you Yanks.  Wells, I’ll tell you what: do you happen have a guidebook on you?  Anything with a blue or green cover” the cabbie asked, sounding plum.

“Sure.”  Chaz replied, lifting the bent tome from his corner pocket, fingering it absentmindedly.  For a wonder, he had actually bought one of the things only just this afternoon, liking the weight and feel of the thing as he perused the avenues in search of the next score.  Thoughts of Emily began to disappear as the fellow edged him on.   

“Why?”  He tried to catch the cabbies eye, but they had come to a round-about of sorts, only showing a shift of the hair. 

“Flip to a random page, then, and give me any random description of the front of the first building you see.  Feel free to tell me more if you’d like, but just a general flavor of the thing should be sufficient.”  Chaz followed along, thinking best to humor the man.  Work was covering for the ride after all, didn’t matter if it was a ploy to earn extra on the tip from a snookered American.  After a moment’s hesitation, he indeed described the first building he saw.

“How about…well,.”  He watched the back of the balding head skeptically, wondering at the right words.  “This one I’m seeing here has quite a few Greek columns along the front.  Very round, dark even.  Limestone perhaps?  Looks a bit touched, specially round the edges.  Maybe on top of some sort of globe?”  He peered closer at the image, uncertain of how best to describe what he was seeing in the gloom.  He had almost lifted the book to show the man, realizing in time that was not part of the sport.  

 “Aye,” Gus chortled, nodding to himself.  The eyes in the mirror seemed to ease closed for a second, causing Chaz to make a grab for the door handle.  He was just thinking of the next words to say, when he heard the cabbie muttering. 

 “Aye, why that is an easy one, being next to the BBC and all.”

“The what?”  Something about the way the man’s brows had looked in the rearview made his skin momentarily crawl.

“Let me guess,” continued the cabbie, “the building next to it is slightly curved itself, a possible inner courtyard just seen, high shadows and everything?”

“I suppose.”  Chaz said, trying to study the picture closer.  “Yea, maybe.” 

“That’s the church of All Souls, it is, up in Marylebone.  Easy.”  Chaz sat there, mildly impressed, glancing at the description below the picture.  It indeed was the same name, location, everything. 

Strange. 

“From here, the quickest route would be back Shaftebury the way we came, up the old Regent’s, and on the rightey.  Maybe a mile, mile and a half.  If you look to the right on your guidebook, you’ll see the main map.  We are near Piccadilly, if it helps.”  Chaz sat stunned for a moment, staring down at the pamphlet in his hand.  His eyes slid quicker than his fingers did over the page, though he had literally been able to follow the street listings as quickly as they had been spat out. 

“It’s a trick,” he said before he fully thought his words out.  The cabbie merely chucked, tattering to himself as he cut off a red double decker. 

“Afraid not, Mister.  The Churches are the easy one.  The museums a little less so, then the pubs.  The tougher ones tend to be the historical markers, but even those you get used to in time.”  Chaz sat for a moment, befuddled, everything else momentarily forgotten.  Around them, the buildings continued to drift by in a daze. 

After a moment he leaned a bit forward, fighting the urge to whisper. 

“How did you do that, really?”

“Like I told you, it’s the Knowledge.  Feel free to try again if you wish.”

 “Sure, I suppose.”  Chaz said, trying his best to sound more confident than he now felt.  Thoughts of the day disappeared instantly under the curiosity that was coming before.  He scanned the pamphlet for a second time, wondering to himself if he should try to be clever with this pick.  He waited till the driver turned onto a side street, going a bit south before he made his move. 

“How about this one then: this is a building all in maroon, with a large barrel-vaulted opening?  Above a set of stairs, going down on either side of it.  Mostly of brick.”

“Most buildings in Jolly Olde England are brick, cous!”  The cabbie chortled, seeming to sparkle a smile at him with only his eyes.  “Give us a bit more, maybe?  For the Queen’s sake?”  Chaz sat for a moment more, thinking of how best to say the words coming now into his head.  He had never been a good draftsman, and this transcription was taking the best of him. 

“Ok.  Sure.  Well, this one has a triangular top, limestone entry – seems to be a bus stop out front?”  The driver seemed to be nodding to himself, as much as he was Chaz. 

“How many windows on the front of it?”  he seemed to peering at those passing by them, counting in time. 

“Windows?”

“Yup.”  Chaz sat for a moment, counting himself. Clearly he had gotten the better of the driver, and was just beginning to think what best more to ask. 

“Well, it looks like there are eight, excluding the main barrel-vaulted window over the entrance portico.  Four front windows on each floor, two on either side of the door.  But what does that have to do with anything?”  Gus paused for a long moment, giving Chaz a feeling of satisfaction.  He was glad to win this game. 

“Well,” the driver began.  “I guess it depends.”

“On what?”  Chaz now felt a strange feeling creeping into his heart: maybe one of glee?  Ahead of him, the cabbie merely seemed only to wheeze onward. 

“Most people would think its quicker to go back down Portugal Ave, right up Southampton row from where we are now.  West up New Oxford, then right onto Tottenham Court.”  Chaz blinked, wondering for a second what the man was talking about.  His eyes merely drifted back to the map before him, wondering. 

Could it be?

Meanwhile, the driver continued on, nonplussed.  “However, at this time of day, it would be quicker to keep on Southampton way, seeing as we are near the river now (for a guide to you, good sir, to give you a sense as to where’s you be).  From there, slide sideways onto Bloomsbury Way, turn onto Bloomsbury Street (not way, as I mentioned before), loop west onto University, then come at Tottenham from the north.  Three streets down I should say: that particular church on your right, that is.” 

For a long moment, Chaz didn’t know what to say.  He merely checked the route the gent had mentioned, knowing it was a church under his finger, realizing there was too much an air of certainty in all this for his own liking.  For kicks he really did pull out his mobile, bringing up the latest app that would direct him there.  Their coordinates had shifted in the minute or two it took to do this, yet on first glance it appeared the driver was right. 

He merely sat back again, both bemused and flabbergasted at the meaning of it all. 

“It figure’s you Yanks would pick something close to home.” He said, smiling with his eyes through the rearview mirror.  “I tried to warn you the Churches was easy.  That one bes the American International.  Brick.  It’s the mauve color you mentioned that gave it away.  I only ask about its windows, because it has a sister structure on the south side o-the river, tis all.”  Gus looked back in the rearview for a bit, as if begging him to try more. 

“We’ll I’ll be damned.”

“That, my kind sir, is the difference ‘the Knowledge’ gets you about here in this town, or thereabouts.  Never been the same since the Je-eps came to be, though.  You know about them?  The G of the P of the S?  Terrible times, terrible times, for us of the Profession.”  On the radio, some local punk band was blaring a little too loudly. 

“And that’s what the Knowledge is?  An internal GPS?”

“Ah, yup, something like that.  In this day and age of Je-eps with the computers thinking for you, you’d think the world had no brains, no risk.  No, no, me boy.  In the old days we had to know this City like the back o our hand, so they say.  Only way to get around the City is the Knowledge, if you cant keep your head.”  Chaz sat back, as if expectantly. 

“That’s what the black cabs really mean, and why I was so surprised a man out for Sunday Twinner wanted to blow his buck on this!  Hardest test in the world it is, sure.  Ah, how yer Yanks always yank and jerk at me.” 

“What’s the test then: how many streets are you required to know?”  he remained curious now. 

“25,000, give or take.”

“Your lying.”  The words were out of his mouth before he realized the frugality of it all.  Even after all he had seen it still seemed an impossibility; there was simply no way London was that large? 

“’fraid not, Mister.  Its been a while since I’ve taken my orals as they say, its true….but you’d have to get up mighty early, to pull a fast one on old Gus.  Yes-sir”

Chaz sat for a long moment, thinking.  He wasn’t sure if this was his good luck or providence for the setup now before him.  Instead, he loafed sideways, absentmindedly. 

“Seems like a lot to know.”  The fellow chuckled, in a gurgling sort of way.

“Just an honest way to make a living.  Christ though - next you know, it’ll be the self’ driving auto’s they’ll bring in next, and that will be the end of the whole lot of us!  End of the old ways.  Right shame.” 

Chaz thought of a fleet of flying cars surely arriving soon after that.   

“Well, I’ll tell you what” the driver said, as if his eyes had just slid up from the fare itself.  “With the ticket counter getting pretty high now and all, and me up for a laugh, why don’t we try a fun one.  A real game for a change.  If I can’t guess the next building your seeing, based on a quick description, your ride is free.  Why not – lets have some fun then, m’boy!  My shifts over soon anyways.”

“And if I loose?”

“Oh, you know the old saying – I get your soul!  Two for a tweener, tis!”  On this, Chaz had to pause, not laughing along with the bellows in front of him.  He looked to the door handle as if by impulse, mind already timing the next red light in front of them.   

Just in case.

“Oh relax Mister: I’d only just ask for a few pints, is all.  My shifts about over, and me brain be fried.  Ale will do me good.” 

Hell, thought Chaz, if this is what its like when he’s shot, what’s he like when he’s on point?  Buildings flew by as if to prove their point. 

“Sure.  Why not.  But at the least, you’ll have to recommend a place to drop me off at.  Find something really fun, or exciting abouts.”  He thought again of the park, the length of the river as it serpentined down to the almighty Thames below. 

“Ah, sure.  I mean, up till now you’ve been getting quite the sightseeing trip, even if your head has been buried in that mobile of yours.  But honest: try one, maybe two more – if it’s a fair shot, anywhere in the city.  Try me – take a chance, if you will.  Souls and pints are all the same in a town like this.”  Chaz debated again about the flask, tugging absentmindedly. 

“Go ahead!” said Gus, clearly edging him on.  “Look up something on that even, if you want.  We English gents do love our games, after all.” 

“Fine.”  Chaz searched for a second under the heading ‘Historic’, finding a pub with a jolly name that seemed fun.  He wanted to win, after all, show this old dandy the American can-do spirit.  He spent a fair minute trying out his luck, scrolling fast over things that looked atypical.  Then he spoke loudly, trying his best to be vague, wondering how a man could ever memorize such sights, let alone a thousand others. 

“Black awnings with a circular image on one of them: flowerboxes in the three windows above it.  Limestone above it. A pub, somewhere...”  He paused, almost speaking the neighborhood out loud, sensing the driver tighten his grip upon the wheel.  He felt satisfaction for the first time that eve.  For a moment, he had forgotten about the girl even.  “Seems to be a yellow brick, if it suits you, with equally yellow wood trimmed openings.  Doors on either side of a large window,” he said, noticing that once more the cabbie seemed to struggle.  Maybe he really was chumped at the end of his shift?  Good. 

“A, a proper London Particular then, excellent, excellent, is what I’ll be passing up on.  Seems like a tough one.”  Chaz couldn’t help but grin.

“However: is it near a market?”  Chaz debated on answering, but his host was already rattling down a list of names expertly, finishing with a bit of whimsy, sensing weakness.

“The Ten Bells, easy nuff least you picked a harder one.  Pubs are hard, even if it’s a good like that.  Change fairly often.  Personally, I like the Guinness they have on draft at that one.”  Behind him, Chaz felt his face growing hotter.  In a fluster, he tried another pub, smaller though, maybe ten seats in the entire place, opened just last year.  Again, the cabbie was spot on, keeping pace even with the mobile directional.  Then it was a historical marker, about a famous murder.  Then Shakespeare’s local hangout.  Then a gym. 

Again and again Gus matched him tit for tat, rattling off street names faster than Chaz could ever hope to match.  Yet the man’s confidence gave him no doubt, no inkling that there was anything but certainty in the unwavering voice. 

Finally, in exasperation, Chaz called out the last sensible choice he could think of. 

“The British Museum!” he cried in alarm.  Gus merely chuckled into his rearview, before letting his deep baritone flow smoothly.  Chaz barely heard him, knowing that that this choice was a fool’s errand. 

Yet something now was amiss.  The quickest way would be back the way they came, the blue directional arrow of his mobile clearly showed that they were passing the center of town.  Hell, if he went the way the cabbie was saying, they would go just around the building, just missing it. 

The man was wrong for a change! 

Chaz was just about to grin, just about to say he had finally gotten the better of the fellow, when he spotted a portion of his error, going back to double check.  Gus, of course gladly repeated his directions to a T: at the point where Gray’s Inn became Euston, Charlotte slowly gave way to West, then Shelton, then off to the west.  The south.  Then east.  North.  The names were right, and as he saw what the driver was doing, had to grin in amusement when he recognized the pattern: he was literally spiraling into the museum in a big circle. 

Hell, if a vehicle could fly, instead of being glued to the list of names now being belched forth, Chaz suspected that the driver would have even put two eye dots onto his creation, one lid shuttered quickly, perhaps, in a true wink.  He sat back in exasperation, exhaustion teetering at the edge of his lips.  The firm would certainly have some questions to ask now, as the meter ticked ever higher. 

Meanwhile, the driver adjusted his mirror, staring at him in the face in earnest for the first time. 

Pretty early, they were seeming to say, to whisper.  They were passing through alleyway’s and byways, ahead of them flashed the dome of St. Pauls, with the glittering mass of skyscrapers behind it, framing the view on the left. 

“Fine then,” tried Chaz, suddenly finding himself bored of conversation.  “Just take me to a devilishly good spot – somewhere where I can forget about things for a while, and lick off these pricey wounds.”  The driver tensed for a moment, as if unsure next what to say.  “See if we can find your Mr. Splitfoot, after all.”  Chaz puttered out, slouching deep, starting to text Em for real.

It was a few seconds before he realized they were idling.  The light, the sense of worry that broke over the cabbies face was immediate. 

“Are ye shore?”  Something about the cabbie had changed.  The way he pronounced ‘sure’ made him goose a bit.  Instead of speaking he merely nodded.   The engine revved, as if on its own accord. 

“Oh, it’s a party you be wantn’, eh?  Oh, Old Guz can take you to a party, shore, shore.”  Behind him, Chaz attempted his best to seem nonchalant.  The vehicle purred beneath them, with a sudden new-found drive. 

 “Candles, maybe a good singer, sights and whores to go along with it, too?” 

“Sure?”  Chaz tried again, beginning to fidget, uncertain as to what new direction this was going.    

“Something to match that flask yer been fingering, or something stronger to temper those ‘powdered eyes’?”  On this, Chaz sat up strait, shocked.  He knew he had been a bit unruffled when he left the Ritz, but was it really that noticeable?  He looked down at his hand, seeing it hadn’t been in his lapel for a change. 

Ahead of him, the cabbie had only increased his speed. 

“Like I told yer Mister, you’d have to get up pretty early to get the best of old Gus.  I’ve seen it all, so I has.  I know where a good party be on this night, oh yes. Bright and dark this city has to show, and things I’ve stumbled that never weren’t on no test.  Too long on the road, probably, but I know an olde time smoker and user and boozehound.  Yes, yes, I can take you to a party alright: this will be a tough-in though, hold on...”  Around them now, something had clearly changed.  The glassy London of skyscrapers had started to give way to something different, some of the structures clearly moss strewn. 

Georgian?  Chaz had figured the city looked old, certainly, the West End positively spectacular, but this?  The buildings were starting to look out of another world.  Hurt his head as he staired. 

As he eased his head back, he realized Gus was still in the middle of conversation.  He did his best to try to focus on the words. 

“Must be it.  Must be the real reason you jumped into the back of old Gus’ cab, so it must, yes yes.”  The cabbies speech was racing, seeming to match the pull of tire on blacktop.  “Raised Anglican I was, so that must be the real reason to day.  Yes, yes, we’ll give you a devil of a good time.  Yes.  Can do.”  He adjusted the mirror, looking back as he did so.

“Hold on, m’boy: this isn’t going to be fun!”

Outside, the sights of a city that he did not know continued to slide by and by.  Chaz felt his head clear, felt the last of the day’s ale and troubles sliding off of him.  At length, he heard something kind of wild.  He opened his eyes, only seeing a kid on a motorbike pass a little to closely to the cab.  His face almost distinctly resembled a rat, startling Chaz, until he realized it was just the design of his helmet.

Wasn’t it?

“Where are we going?”  Chaz tried, gripping the headrest tight as they bounced over something.  Uneven cobblestone?  He couldn’t be sure, no, seeing flashes and greens all mixing at once.  What he did see alarmed him greatly. 

“Is that a man holding a gun?” 

“It’s likely Grosvenor.  Taint the best part of town round here, I’d say.”  The driver continued on unperturbed, as they down the long byways flew by.  Ahead of him, Gus was merely wavering in and out of traffic.  They missed sideswiping a lorry by only inches!

“Ease up a bit, will you?  You’ll get us killed!”

“Oh, don’t worry about any of that just yet, sonny.  Worse things than getting ke-eeled.  You’ll have plenty of them such things to consider before nights end.  Don’t worry, don’t worry:  I know the way, even if I weren’t supposed.”  Outside, the night rushed by.  A hundred, hundred and fifty kilometers per hour zinged by on the dash.  The streets started to meld together, even. 

Was it the blow?  No, that had worn off hours ago.  Ahead of him, the driver was humming some diddy about bus stops, and umbrella’s.  Had there not been plexiglass between he and him, Chaz would have grabbed for him.  He was wondering if he could jam the umbrella end through the slots, or jump out if there was a place to stop. 

“Hey now.  Stop.  This isn’t funny anymore.  I’ll…I’ll call the police.”  No reply from the man.

“I, hey.  Hey, Gus.  Just stop.”  He was looking for the right words.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry if I offended you, I.  Hey, I’ll pay you double to stop here.  I.”  Nothing.  “Just let me out, let me, here is fine, I’ll, I’ll…”  He paused.  They were coming up now through a tunnel, and in quick turn, stopped in the midst of dark, dreary.  Suddenly, the brakes squealed, the car idling quietly now, a pause. 

“Ah, now here we go: isn’t that a pretty!”  Ahead of them was something strange, skinless it seemed, utterly timeless. 

A park? 

From the look of it, it was almost pitch black out there, seemed near the river he insisted to go to. 

“Gus?”  he spoke the cabbies name, hoping it would snap him out of it.  Instead of answering, the cabbie merely shut off the lights.  The engine still reved. 

“Gus?”  Chaz tried again, feeling fearful now.  He suddenly doubted a run for it would work.

“Shut it – it’ll be starting soon.”  They both looked past where the rain was falling in droves, up to the glistening towers and cranes rising all around.  Chaz could see well enough now, not because it was bright out from rain between the stars, or due to from the twinkle and blink of fluorescents.  No.

No, ahead of them was a black that only came from true night, in an open field, surrounded on all sides by woods.  Lit now, only by the moon; an impossibility in the thick and bustle of the mammoth metropolis.  Bigger than redwoods the trees looked in the gloom, he now having to stretch his neck back further and further to see them up, through the quiet and the bustle. 

“What is that?”  Chaz asked again, so soft he could almost hear his own heartbeat. 

“It’s my answer for what you were considering: thinking of stiffing old Gussie on a bill, do you?  I told you, I’ve seen it all, though I often wonders to meself how many have seen the sights like this..”

“No.”  Ahead of them, lights had begun to spring on, one by one.  But this wasn’t the electric.  The flicker of flame, of torchlight began to fill the field. 

“I found you a party, Mister, just like you said you needed.”

“This wasn’t part of the deal!”  They were speaking in hushed whispers, watching the sights around.  The door handle slid through his hand as he held it, nerves fraying.   

“Depends what kind of deal you be wanting!  Me, I just wanted that pint, but oh-no’s, you want to have some fun.  Well, here is your gambit-enjoy.”  Gus turned on the headlights, as if in signal.  

“No.” Chaz began again, starting to realize full well what the sights where he was looking at.  Ahead of them, a man in red stood strutting amongst the crowd, his fine linens a marked contrast to the hoards around him.  The headlights fell on the strange trees, everything moss covered, strange black moths or hornets circling round. 

“Stop it.”  Chaz moaned, leaning back. 

“However, it is said that when Mr. Sir does show up round these parts, the locals usually end up cheating him out of his wares.  Only way to appease him, is to throw him a party, they say.”  Chaz gulped, wondering at the meaning of it all; his hands continued to shake.

“You still want out?” the driver pantomimed.  Around them, the chaos seemed to delve further.  The group was all about the car now, bodies approaching as a tide.  Chaz merely waited for his own face to appear, to join in in that maddening crowd. 

Around him, he could hear whispers, murmurs, as if only from inside his head. 

“He has been delivered.”

“It appears he has made his choice.”

“We know what you did to her – time for atonement sis here.”

“Repent.”

“A pity though: he was such a pretty thing.”  The hands (claws?) outside started banging on the glass.  Started pulling at the handles, crawling up over the sides of the steel.

In a moment they would be in the cab, reaching, reaching... 

BUT THE FLASK!  He clutched at his shirt, certain that the thing had slipped.  New hands were now being added about his breast, also clutching at the meat before.  He wavered, struggled, certain of his doom before such an unholy alter somewhere beyond.  But the tool lay there in cold form against his breast.  He clutched it, held it, thought of kissing it twice before he began to turn and douse anything that moved, lighter now in his hand, any attempt to ward them off, him glad for double proof.  The shapes seemed to drop off, one by one, but did little for the overall mood.  Again and again he clicked his lighter, ready to light himself on fire if need be, the roar of the smoke deafened his  quaking ears.  But the mob advanced, they clutched, they grasped.  One face in particular seemed familiar, a bleeding mask of idio-salavic grin.  Was he now outside? 

Then engine shot on, revved, started forward, radio now blaring at a hundred watts!  In despair, he turned the concoction to his own temple, miming a gun as if a sudden coward seeking quick exit from the sights around him.  Bodies twisting, sliding, falling all over.  Sharp elbows knees, all around. 

“Stop!  Help!  Anything!”  Tried Chaz, mouth full, twisting as if beneath some awful liquid.  He screamed, felt as if burning.  

“Here’s your stop, Grosvenor!” yelled the driver in reply, seeming from deep water, appearing both near and far away.  With that, the cabbie reached back & with a hardy shove, pushed him out into the dark.  Then all at once Chaz was falling, sliding sideways against his sobs.  With one hard knock he struck with his butt, bouncing him up onto my skittering feet.  He knew that any second the mob would descend, claws outstretched for his face.  He would watch as they tore his appendages off, was beaten to death with his own limbs.  He covered himself, and waited. 

Was he dead?  Did he receive his wish, and now feel brains coating the same hands that reached to protect with small hands?

No: the claws amongst his jacket, his locks had only been the wind.  He opened his eyes slowly in wonder, and stared gaping at the sight before him. 

Ahead of him merely stood the same busy recesses of Oxford Street, glowing ever brightly in the early Christmas glow, same he had only seen only, what, an hour or two before?  Maybe a lifetime.  Somehow, the cab had stopped at the same corner from whence they had begun, empty now, with the driver hunkering over.  Around him was emptiness, utter and still.  A cracked street sign glared ominously above him, and before that the cab stood idling, grin of the driver hanging out. 

Bon-swa, dear sir, we shall see you again soon!  Go back to your girl, before we come back to claim you!”  With that the cabbie began to laugh, a terrible sound that carried on the last of the wind.  Perhaps this was in his head.  Perhaps too, it was a grunts that uttered from the tale-pipe, swirling fumes gathering all around then.  The vehicle were gone, lost to the ages, and he a shaking man on the corner left only to gape. 

It had been a hell of a day, alright. 

It was a full minuet, before Chaz began to recover himself, began to weep openly.  In time he reached for his mobile, and began to dial.

“Hello?”  said a voice on the other end, and for a moment he was uncertain.

 

 

----Fin.----